Energy.Light.Love.Truth

Moving On ......

You can decide to put your best foot forward and take that first step into a higher state of independence (whatever that really means) or you can pack up a few things and throw them into your car and set out on the road to a path of new adventure, or log onto the internet to expedia.com, priceline or travelocity and purchase a plane ticket to any destination of your choice ... but you'll still find yourself back where you first started ... your SELF.


How many times have I actually contemplated on any one of those choices above, only to turn back and see the move all too futile, or not even budge at all and as the years continue on and my awareness of the world grows at an enormously alarming rate that prompts me to hasten my exit outta here I once again find myself in Limbo land.


Limbo Land, the place where you can turn dreams into recycled perfection and no Peter Pan exists neither here nor there .. but the child-like YOU that you know still resides inside the recesses of your adult wannabe existence that calls out every now and then,


"hellllooooo. anybody out there? can you here me? remember me?"


And you KNOW you want the child-like you to come out and play not just for a day but perhaps for always ... but you find yourself saying,


"Shut up and keep still. Not now, not today .. perhaps never ..."


Change.


What a beautiful word. The only word other than "fear" that you KNOW will stick around for as long as mankind exists. And by the way, does anyone know how long mankind stands to still exist?


I hereby declare to one and all and all who'd even care ... to commit to change. And what change is that df?


Why, the change to end all suffering of course! )


The change to end the mind's view that we are all separate. For it is in our mind that we still see ourselves as separate from one another, separate from the earth and separate from this glorious universe that holds to keep us ... keep us ...


I've decided to make public to you, my journey. A most important journey to me. So bare with me as I travel into what we view as the unknown .. but really has been there all along ... the KNOWN LOVE that lies within all of us .. if we only dare to keep still and listen to her calling.


Anyone want to journey with me? The price of the fare is the Freedom of your Soul!


 


Note: df is fine. the change in blog layout is only for the purpose of less distraction. it is no secret that I love to write .. and I thought that perhaps I was holding back my writing and wanted to just release my soul in words. as I am not able to be at the computer as often as I would like, I will have to rely on my trusted sidekick to do most of my blogging. alas, I am unable to access the  comment feature  (fuck!) but I can read all your blogs as regularly as I dream about world peace. And that pretty much is fairly regular. love and love and more love to all ... df.


Aside Note: df is also busy cleverly creating interesting pieces for submission to the Grit Awards to be held this February 15, 2005 at Negrito's blog. Rumor has it that a surprise guest will be present for the judging! Don't forget to submit your entries before the deadline!


See you all there at the Grit Award Red Carpet Blog in Gritoland!
4.2.05 07:30


Tit for Tat ....

I am standing on the platform waiting for the Metro Rail to take me to
work. There is a man beside me 'horking' up GOBS of saliva and spitting
it on the platform every 10 seconds. This has been going on for a good
few minutes now and as hard as I am trying to see him as an 'energy of
love' and not letting my ego of annoyance get to me . . . Alas I feel
that I am failing this even one simple task.
So here I stand, just a few feet away trying to show my 'i don't give a
fuck' attitude . . .when all this while, I too am collecting a nice wad
of GOB to throw down the platform . . . Just to stand him up.
I cannot help it, it is the competitive nature in me.
Forgive me . . but here it goes ....
--digital_femme
6.2.05 01:32


Couldn't Sleep . . .

I couldn't sleep. We went to bed early (had to force C to go to bed
early since he only had a total of 6 hours sleep in 2 days). But it was
waaayyyy to early for ME so I ended up waking up at 2'ish in th a.m. And
watching T.V.
The shopathome network was featuring a Toshiba laptop for $1654.00 or
something like that with 512 ram memory, L2 cache, 100 Gig hard drive,
3.33 GHZ processor intel pentium 4 mobile HT (hyper thread) with cd/rw -
dvd/rw 15.2" TFT screen, ATI radeon 9000 graphics card, 5 in 1 card
reader, 2 firewire 400, 800 ports, Windows XP Home Edition, and a
software bundle that looked pretty good with Video editing, Tax Act,
Photoshop software, Eudora Pro, and other stuff, with a $49.99 nylon
carrying case included.
Don't know how much it weighed but the demo was pretty impressive. They
had 7 multimedia windows going on at the same time (all resized of
course), one streaming video from a real time weather channel, NASA's
own TV show, the Jersey Girl Dvd playing, online MTV video of some band
and a playback of a home movie video clip saved on the hd! All going on
at the same time...and not once did any of the windows freeze,
jagger/jitter or even slow motioned down thru out the whole 30 minute
segment!

The one set back that I did not like was the design and look of the
actual laptop .. plus it gave no actual mention of the weight of the
thing. The guy did hold it up with one hand and used the other to type
on the full size keyboard...but I think he did that to make it seem that
it was really lightweight (which of course I didn't buy for even a sec.
I lifted up several Toshiba notebooks on display and they all seemed
pretty heavy to me.

I was wondering how much faster was their 3.33 GHZ processor than
Apple's 1.33 or 1.5 or even now 1.67 GHZ proc, since everyone knows that
the beauty of Apple's hardware and OS is that it only takes about 7
cycles to process a command as opposed to a windows os based system that
uses up to 20 cycles to execute one command. In other words, comparing
processor speed may not be an equal and fair variable since cycles per
clock speed obviously varies considerably!

Why in the world am I blabbing on about all this? Well, aside from being
a 'digital' femme kinda gal, I am still mentally doing a cost per
feature based comparison with an Apple Powerbook that I am soon to
purchase later on today . . . Yet I still want to make sure . . . And
give any PC out there . . . A chance to convince me that purchasing a
Windows based laptop is the better buy. You can say that I am a Mac Fan
that is open minded to possibilities that something better MAY come
along. But as a devoted MAC fan, I highly don't think so. )

Today, our cable company is arriving between 12 - 2 pm to install
another DSL line in one of the rooms. C thought it a good idea to make
his 'now' weight room into our computer room and the larger 'now'
computer room into the weight room. (Do you sense perhaps that he may be
getting a better deal?) as well, he is marketing this change as a 'now
there is more room for you to want to work out just in time for summer .
. . . '
Yeah . . . Whatever C.

Enough with blaze (pronounced BLA - Zay) tech talk . . . .

there is so much to blog about and thoughts are bourgeoning in my head .
. . . but I am a silly entity of sorts . . . kinda boycotting the
desktops until I get my laptop to blog from . .. . in bed, at that!

My sidekick would prove as a good active communique device . .
(Pronounced COMMUN - EE- Kay) but would you believe that I downloaded
this Paint program . . .and am working on my first artisitc demo done on
a sidekick!?

We'll, as soon as I figure how to work out where all the controls are
for the freakin' tons of features . . .then I'll definitely post it
here.

Till then, I am still as cynical about many things that I observe
everday and can't seem to shut up about what stupid thing I see. I don't
know if optimism has its place when you get older . . . Since REALISM
about things are more apparent . . . and REALISM gets often confused as
PESSIMISM. Nonetheless, I am calling anything outrageous I say here as a
product of a 'Perimenopausal' State. p

Hopefully sometime tonight, I get to blog on my new Apple!

Here's to LOVE and HEALING for all of us!
Xoxoxoxoxoxox
--digital_femme
11.2.05 15:59


Bling Bling .....


Shiny, smooth objects have always fascinated me.
You know,
sterling silver ...
diamonds ...
Platinum ...
a shiny new car ...

and then there are shoes.

But let's not get too shallow and materialistic now. Surely, in a world such as this and in times of unease and turmoil, objects such as these really have no weight on the attainment of 'happiness'. With that being said, then why have sales on these so called shiny objects (otherwise known as BLING BLING's) increased? And why are high end magazines and adverts all around touting such paraphenalia that one may really start to wonder .. what in the world has gotten into everybody these days?

Pushawhh!

Non-Esoterically speaking, Bling Blings only feed our innate craving for realism. Something other than what we see and live by day to day, something we know we can attain and achieve and end up placing too much energy and importance and responsibility on these Bling Blings to help fill that empty gap.

Let's define that empty gap as anything that we feel we need.

It can be acceptance, love, security, confidence, whatever the reason and the need ... we create it and then we look for THINGS and PEOPLE to fill it. Hmmmmm ...

In the case of THINGS, that's all they are, are just THINGS. THINGS come and go. They wear out their interest and use, they break, they get stolen, lent out, burned down, lost, crashed into, swept away by tsunami waves, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah ... So with that said, how stable and accountable can THINGS be towards providing us with a sense of DEEP and REAL HAPPINESS?

In the case of PEOPLE, people are PEOPLE. They have issues, past baggage, financial debt, insecurities, fears, emotional ups and downs, PMS, adjustment periods, life changing moments, they get old, they get weak, they get sick and then they die (I'm not going to yaddah, yaddah, yaddah after the 'and then they die' part), for after death .. what else is there?

What else is there.

If THINGS don't seem to cut it, and PEOPLE aren't any better, well not really that much better. I've known people who've had cars and appliances that lasted longer than their marriages, their friendships, their jobs, their pets, their children ... and even longer than them. RIP. Hmmmmmm .......

SO what have we got left? You. Me. All trying to find happiness and peace and whatever else we're looking for.

And did I tell you I found some great happiness on the weekend? Well, Friday February 11 really. My new found happiness came in a well designed black box. He stands no higher than an inch tall and his widest part is 12"!

12 INCHES! And Shiny? You bet he's shiny! BLING BLING BLING!

Yes my beloved 20sixers, after all my blogging and commenting on 'digital specs this and digital specs that', I finally did it, I got my very own 12" Apple G4 Powerbook! And man oh man oh man .. he's a beaut!

Am I happy?! You bet your rootin' tootin' asses I am. Happy Happy Happy. I am so happy that it almost feels ZENish .. if you can even imagine that. ZENish. Yup, that's what I'm calling it at this moment .. ZENish. Zenish, Fofenish, hohenish, bobenish . .. ZEN - ISH! OW!

It's exhilarating really. Almost like being KNIGHTED. Instead of Sir Digital Femme ... the 'in the know' terminology for someone of my disposition would be ... ummmm ... errrrr .... Digital Diva! D

Happy Heart Day to all!
13.2.05 20:48


Life Not Worth Living .... in the fast lane


It behooves me to all extremes when the Sleeping Sheep are not only quite dense and stupid but also quite disrespectul of not only other people's lives but their very own as well - as can be demonstrated in the following examples:

Disrespectful Sleeping Sheep Acts:

1. Running a red light when the light had already turned red after 2 cars in front had run the light too. Then honking at the other sleeping sheep in the opposite fronting lane trying to STILL make a left turn on a stale red light.

2. Making a right turn FROM the centre lane - passing right in front of the unsuspecting driver who is in the right lane getting ready to proceed ahead.

3. People on motorcycles who do not wear helmets and who also do not provide helmets to their passenger(s) that are clearly under the age of 12 perhaps .... or they could be very short 18 year olds .. nonetheless though.

4. Young, small idiots who drive large SUV's on busy city streets (who can barely see over the steering wheel, and they drive these environmentally unfriendly monsters like they were little Mazda's. i.e. making wide right or left turns and always taking up two lanes of a city roadway.

NOTE: Houston resides in Harris County. One of the most expensive counties for high car insurance rates .. go figure.
14.2.05 07:37


On Abusive Administrations whose systems have built-in FAILURE variables wired in.


Federal Government Taxes

You work hard for a decent living and yet the G boys take out outrageous amounts of taxes from you ... all for what? To fund a war that should never have been, to put into strengthening a country's defenses via weaponry blahblahblah meanwhile cuts on healthcare for the VETERANS who got brainwashed into fighting for their governments (not their country) and giving up their eyesight, legs, arms, dicks ,etc .. are in the agenda as well as cutbacks on education ... so what else is new.

Educational Systems

You work hard for a 4 year degree that is only really 2 years worth of what you really intend to study. The other two years are spent on taking brainwashing, "rah rah rah the US is the greatest nation in the Universe" courses. And in the end of the 4 year degree what are the results (in general?) More Sleeping Sheep! Thank God I studied in Canada!

I won't even go into the ludricrousy of having Course textbooks outdated by the next semester so that the RICH students (and everybody KNOWS just how much money students have!) can spend more money on a book that they'll only need for 5 weeks , that they'll only cover not even half of the chapters in the book. Can you resell these books? Sure you can - to the bookstore. A $70 book in practically brand new condition can be resold to the bookstore for $15! What a deal!

Media and Such

It's almost like living in a BOX when you live in the U.S. The U.S. media is a total scam. They hardly EVER report the currency rates of the EURO and GBP in comparison to their flailing dollar. And their WORLD news consists of a mere 1 minute of quick overviews. Meanwhile, the reporters are given scripts that tell one piece of news matter in 50 million different ways ...

Family and Childcare

Lol .... yaddah yaddah yaddah

Healthcare

Healthcare? I hardly think so. Let's start off with the huge Pharm Co's that spend billions of dollars creating synthetic products (or naturally enhanced human hormones, enzymes yaddah yaddah yaddah) made in outerspace to give to people to pacify their symptoms. Never a REAL CURE people .. just get the sick well enough to function .... but make them dependent on the drogas.

Then, there's the cost of healthcare and prescription drugs that many cannot afford so they have medical insurance parties set up to cover the costs .. and who the hell pays into these? People that care about their health and usually people that are healthy.

Healthcare has now become a lucrative consumer based business. Step aside DOCS and forget about all your education and research. Your patients can get online and GOOGLE up the treatment you had suggested for them or their family .. and then want a 2nd, 3rd opinion. Customer is always right! More on this later.

To Serve and Protect

The moto of Police Departments everywhere.
I am thinking that there is a growing number of these civil servants that work to Serve and Protect the criminals from being exposed. More on this story later.

I call it as I see it, experience it, feel it, know it - in other words, been there, been abused and used and dumped on but these zany systems.

No, I am not one to play the GAME.
14.2.05 08:17


Over the hills of Austria .....


I climbed to the top. I almost touched a cloud. My throat was barely strained from singing at such high altitudes.

As usual I was late and I sensed that the other gals were starting to get annoyed by my indifferent behaviour.

I was given a project. A short term Nanny contract. No big deal. The first few days were a little anxiety provoking, to say the least. But the kids really were adorable and sweet. They just want to be loved, that's all.

The master of the house wasn't bad himself. Kind of like a hottie in a debonaire sort of way. Definitely doable though ;oP

I won't get into the details that transpired but to make a long story short, we fell in love. The honeymoon was great until we heard the news that he had been assigned a position far away. This was not good.

He didn't want to leave. He didn't agree with the position and what it entailed so we decided to defect, vamonos, hit the high road .. you get my drift. We had to make a plan. So we attended this concert and after it was almost over we snuck out and stole away into the night . The hottie, me and the kids.

It was a close call .. but my ol' gal pals helped out and managed to help us get across to Switzerland. )

Why is it that everytime I watch The Sound Of Music I get transported right into the movie? I watched the DVD on my new powerbook while sitting in bed. It is one of the greatest movies ever! Incredibly clean, romantic, funny, just beautiful .. and I always cry ... except this time, I found myself crying more times during the movie that usual. And the wedding church scene to me is THE best wedding scene ever created in Hollywood history. Breathtaking.
This movie totally romanticizes the idea of being a NUN. - lol ... join a convent, marry a rich hottie and live happily every after! Ooooo Christopher Plummer was so HOT!
14.2.05 08:43


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